Deprogrammers have been around in one form or another for thousands of years. The dictionary definition of deprogram is: "to dissuade from convictions, usually of a religious nature, often by coercive means." A related term is brainwash, which is defined as "a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas." Obviously, the two terms are virtually interchangeable by definition. In practice, deprogramming is seen as a process of intervention to "help" those who assumedly have already been brainwashed. A supposedly positive form of brainwashing is used to help the brainwashed! God help us! How long each word has been in our English dictionary, I don't know, but I do know that they have become buzz words that conjure up unsavory thoughts quickly. Just their mention assumes that some devilish activity has been engaged in that now requires extreme actions to halt.

Deprogramming, or brainwashing, often has been used with prisoners of war. In order to render them ineffective as enemies, their whole ideologies are attacked and often these commonly held convictions are lost or at least diluted significantly. The effects of any type of brainwashing, or deprogramming, varies depending on two main factors: one, the intensity and ability of the deprogrammer; and two, the emotional make-up of the one being deprogrammed. Some people go through even a formal deprogramming attempt and emerge relatively unscathed. In this case, either the deprogrammer was not overly effective, or the one subjected to it was simply stronger in convictions. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are virtually destroyed by the process. Beliefs they once held to be true and dear have been pried from their hearts and minds and they are simply never the same. Somewhere between these two extremes is where most of those deprogrammed end up. They may stay in an organization, but hardly ever with quite the same confidence, trust and commitment. Their foundations of faith have been shaken, irreparably in some ways.

In talking with disciples who have experienced the deprogramming process and survived, they have a common story to tell. Intellectually, they have worked through the challenges brought up via deprogramming, but emotionally, something remains damaged to varying degrees. Their old wholehearted love for the church and trust in its people has been diminished. So, while they remain intellectually accepting of the basic tenets of the church and its teaching, they have difficulty emotionally in giving their whole heart. May God bless them for persevering, and may he eventually remove the unwarranted doubts that have been planted in their hearts. This is not to say that legitimate doubts aren't in order, doubts that raise questions deserving answers. Blind acceptance of any group's practices is never right, and this is certainly not what disciples are being asked to do. Acts 17:11 will always be the right process to follow in evaluating what is being taught by individuals and groups.

How does a deprogramming actually work -- just what is this brainwashing process? The setting for it and the structure of it may vary. The content is fairly predictable, in that it will consist of the following elements: one, actual truths are presented that show the bad aspects of a movement or organization; two, half truths, or slanted truths, are introduced that fall far short of showing the total picture, but taken in isolation make a situation look really bad; and three, outright lies, that may have begun as statements of possibility or question marks, but end up taking on a life of their own and are now repeated as fact. So, deprogramming content focuses on some truth, some truth taken out of context (which makes it untrue) and some outright fabrications. My own experiences talking to those who underwent deprogramming would convince me that the main focus was on the untruths of categories two and three, since they are more dramatic and emotionally impacting.

What is nearly completely absent from such deprogramming procedures is the mention of good things about the organization. Also absent are willingness to give the benefit of the doubt, and openness to possible existence of good intentions on the part of those who did wrong things. One simple fact of life is that we will see in any person, situation or organization what we are focusing on. If we focus only on the negatives of a person or group, pretty soon that is about all that is visible to us. Even without distortions and fabrications, a totally negative focus will have its own damaging effects. All people and all organizations have both pluses and minuses. My wife, though nearly an angel, has her minuses (much fewer than her husband, of course!). Yet, any time I only focus on her minuses, I end up discontented with her or even critical of her. This principle explains why the Bible is so consistent in directing us to focus on the positives in life and not on the negatives.

But now to the title of this article -- what is an unintentional deprogrammer? A person who has neither intention to deprogram anyone, and quite possibly, no awareness of having done it. Who might that be? The surprising and sad answer: many of us who claim to be disciples of Jesus. What I have come to believe is that many in our churches have unintentionally become deprogrammers -- of themselves and of their fellow disciples. What led me to begin thinking in this direction was a phenomenon that seemed otherwise unexplainable.

After churches appeared to be past the upheaval of 2003, and the members in general were feeling that real changes had occurred in the church and were going to continue occurring, members still were leaving their congregations. In talking to some of them about their decision, the answers they gave simply did not add up. The idea of leaving a group of people who had been close friends for years over issues that were in process of being dealt with simply did not make sense. What was happening? I think they had been subjected to a practical form of deprogramming without realizing it -- at their own hands and at the hands of their friends. They had engaged in just too much negative talk about the church for too long, and now their foundations of faith (especially toward the church) were irreparably damaged. They couldn't get past the past, as it had been etched in such negative ways in their minds and hearts.

In biblical terms, gossip and slander had destroyed their faith, at least their faith in the church family they had known. Of course, none of us likes to admit that we have been guilty of such unsavory sins. But please read the following verses carefully that describe what should not be coming out of our mouths and see if you have spoken in these ways. Conversely, many of these passages also mention what should characterize our communication. Which of the two types of speaking best describes how you have communicated in the past year or so?

Proverbs 10:19

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Proverbs 11:13

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Proverbs 12:18

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:4

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 15:28

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

Proverbs 16:28

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:9

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 18:8

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.

Proverbs 20:19

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.

Proverbs 26:20

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Ecclesiastes 10:20

Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird of the air may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.

Matthew 12:34-37

For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. [35] The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. [36] But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. [37] For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Ephesians 4:25

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:31

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Philippians 2:14-15

Do everything without complaining or arguing, [15] so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.

Titus 3:2

to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.

James 1:19

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

James 1:26

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

James 3:9-10

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. [10] Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

1 Peter 3:9-10

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. [10] For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.

Passages could be multiplied that show the overall positive focus we should maintain, a focus that determines both what we have in our hearts and in our speech. To mention but a few, consider the following:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [6] Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [7] It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. [8] Love never fails.

Philippians 2:1-5

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, [2] then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. [3] Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. [4] Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. [5] Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Philippians 4:4-8

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! [5] Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. [6] Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. [7] And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. [8] Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I think that most of us would agree that we are guilty of using our tongues this past year in unrighteous ways. If you have read other articles that I have written, you know that I am not talking about legitimate questioning and discussion of the past sins of our movement. I have done plenty of that myself, orally and in writing. Nor am I talking about the need for us as individuals to talk through our own hurts from those sins and to get help working through them. I have spent many hours both seeking and giving help in order to accomplish this valid goal. My point here is that a continual focus on negatives, with no real decision to put the past behind us, is hazardous to our spiritual health and to that of others with whom we converse.

Perhaps we sinned mostly by listening to others speak sinfully without seriously attempting to correct them. In effect, we have done some deprogramming -- of ourselves and of others. Unfortunately, some of the consequences are irreversible. For example, most of those who have left our fellowship will not return. Sadly, this is probably best for them and for the rest of us who remain in our congregations. I wish them well, and pray that they find a spiritual fellowship that will help heal them and help get them to heaven. At the same time, I also hope that they will not compromise fundamental biblical doctrines on subjects like salvation, for our ultimate allegiance must be to God and his Word. For the minority who choose to come back, they should be welcomed with open arms. But we must not bear ill will toward any who left, no matter what they may feel toward us. We want only the best for any of our former members, and we would hope to remain friends.

What should the rest of us do about our sins? Obviously, repent -- fully, and publicly in every way possible. As Proverbs 28:13 puts it, "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." Repentance and confession are marks of humility, and God will always bless humility. Finally, let's not waste our sins, but rather learn from them. We have been through a very challenging time in our movement, a time that is unprecedented among us (thankfully!). However, such times are not unprecedented among religious groups generally, and could occur in our group again. I would pray that we learn all that God wants to teach us and not face anything like this as a movement again. But we will face similar relationship challenges in smaller settings, and if we have learned our lessons this time, we will respond far better in the future. Unrighteous treatment never justifies unrighteous responses. As the little saying goes, "It is easy to be an angel when no one ruffles your feathers." Indeed! Turning the other cheek to those who hurt us is not easy, as we have seen, but it is the Lord's way. Let's own up to our sins, in humility repent and confess, then face the future as wiser, more spiritual people. No more deprogramming! God always offers us a new beginning, if we will but claim it. Let's unite as one Body, and claim his grace -- a grace that offers forgiveness, healing and strength for the future.