A Father’s Contribution to Family

Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people, that they would become accursed and laid waste, and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the Lord. 2 Kings 22:19

Having God on your side, as you strive to be a spiritual family and marriage! Having the heart to respond to his Word, being humble before him and receivinghis blessings are truly all you need. God will take you the rest of the way! Here are eight ways to be the spiritual leader in your family and marriage.

Be Decisive The most important decision of a father is to be spiritual on a daily basis. To actually work hard on your walk with God! A daily commitment to praying and connecting with God will in.uence the outcome of your family! Your decision to study the Word of God and listen responsively to him daily is the most important decision you will make each day! (Matthew 4:4; Mark 1:35; Hebrews 5:7)

Be Out of Yourself This is all about giving at home! After a full day of work, it is not easy to be giving. However, when you give your heart, your emotions, your energy, your love and your attention to your family, it always pays big dividends! Remember, Luke 6:38: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap!” A selfish father will only produce selfish children!

Be A Learner Look for new ideas on how to build your family’s love and devotion to God! Talk to people in the church constantly for input and learn from them what works and does not work! Ask other families for ideas and lessons for family devotionals. Once a month, join another family for a devotional and make it in a memorable place like a beach or mountain. Do you enjoy learning? How long will you pretend to know what you are doing? (Proverbs 1:23-31)

Be Full of Expectations Expect the simple things, the simple responses from your family. Expect family dinners almost daily. Expect prayers with each one at night, every night. Expect forgiveness and love to be the dominant theme in your home! Expect the family to participate in devotionals, morning quiet times, and family activities. Have godly expectations and standards! Believe that you can change the atmosphere and heart of your family, by setting new expectations and goals! (1 Timothy 3:14-15; Matthew 25:14-30)

Be Plugged In Connect with your family on a daily basis! How? In the morning connect with your family, at dinner time connect with your family and in the evening connect with them. In the car, driving somewhere, you can connect through communication! Turn off the CD player, DVD player, radio, TV and all the other distractions constantly around you and get back to communication! Talking, laughing as a family, playing sports together, singing weekly are all important ways to connect! You do not want to be “unplugged” in this area! (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Be Humble and Open Believe it or not, this inspires your family! When you are honest with them and admit your failures and your sins, they get inspired! Be honest when you are doing lousy spiritually! Be humble and allow them to help you see your weaknesses. Be humble when you are in the wrong, when you are in sin or when you are a coward. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) We greatly underestimate the impact that our stubbornness, pride, arrogance and deceit have on our family! We may feel it is “no big deal,” but later in life you will clearly see these sins bearing the fruits of darkness in your family. Live as the children of the light! (Ephesians 5:8-20) Be United With Your Spouse One of the greatest gifts you can give your family is a great marriage! Having an awesome marriage takes unity and intimacy! We usually feel like we have nothing left over to give in our marriage after coming home from work and spending time with our children. Yet this is a huge mistake! Time, love, effort and much work go into making your marriage an example. As a father, ask yourself and your family these questions: “Is my marriage inspiring? Do the love, affection and friendship in my marriage inspire our family to have faith in God? To have faith in marriage?”

Be Confrontative and Resolute Deal with family issues head on. Hiding issues, pretending they will simply just go away, does not work! Lingering attitudes, issues and problems seem to only get worse the longer we give into our fears and excuses for not dealing with them! (1 Samuel 3:12-13) Always get advice and help, but when family members fight or hate each other and are bitter, seek to resolve things quickly! (Matthew 5:25) Teach the family how to apologize, how to repent of your attitudes, how to forgive and love again! As fathers, show them how to do this by the example of your marriage. Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you! Ephesians 5:14b

A Mother’s Contribution to Family

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Proverbs 31:29

Motherhood in America is more challenging than ever. Over fifty percent of all mothers work outside the home today. While this may challenge our physical, emotional, and spiritual strength, there are three things that a mother can contribute to her family: A spiritual example, a loving marriage, and a heart that nurtures.

A Spiritual Example Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
• Do you believe your spiritual condition has anything to do with the spiritual atmosphere in your home or the spiritual condition of your children?
• Do your children see you going to God in prayer with gratitude or petitioning him in times of need? If not, how will they know who to thank or who can help them in their time of need?
• Do your children know you are committed to the Bible and that you use God’s Word to change your own heart? Do you share the Scriptures with them? If not, to whom and to what will they turn to direct their lives? Will it be God and his Word or the world and what it has to offer?
• Do your children see you having healthy, involved relationships with other Christians? These relationships bring security to your children as well as an example of what they can follow.
• Do your children sense in you a desire to help those who are spiritually lost, thus imitating the heart of Jesus?

A Loving Marriage Her husband has full con.dence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31:11 What greater contribution can a mother make than that of loving her husband? What greater gift can she give her children? From this, love derives the fabric of how the home is built. This is where the children see and learn compassion, forgiveness, humility, resolve, unconditional love, commitment, affection, warmth, perseverance, and the list goes on. Have you ever thought to check the pulse of your marriage when things are going haywire with the kids? This kind of contribution requires a conscience of God that helps keep our hearts in tune with that of our husbands.

A Heart That Nurtures My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 6:20 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27
These Scriptures tell us not to forsake our mother’s teaching, and that as a mother we are to watch over the affairs of our household and not to be lazy. To nurture means that we are to raise, care for, foster, and nourish. A mother’s teaching is to be a guide for her children, to watch over them, and to speak to them. Your teaching should be a light for them.

• How involved are you on this level of teaching? This takes heart, thought, planning, and unity with your husband.
• Do you spend hours of time and energy to make certain that all of your children’s physical and educational needs are met, and only minutes to contemplate their spiritual and emotional needs?
• Do you expect the “Children’s Ministry” or “Teen Ministry workers” to fulfill this aspect of their lives?
• These contributions that have been mentioned may seem overwhelming at times; but you will be successful with deep conviction and much determination. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25

When we as mothers clothe ourselves with these godly qualities, then we will be able to smile at the future!

Your Children’s Contribution to Family

Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

I remember sitting down to dinner every night as a family when I was growing up and enjoying our family devotional times. Some of my favorite Scriptures still today, like Proverbs 3:5-7 and Colossians 3:23, were verses we memorized together as a family at the dinner table. I deeply believe that all children contribute to our families. What they contribute, however, will depend in large part on how we raise them.

Do your children believe that their feelings and opinions matter? For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Ephesians 5:8-10
Does your home have an atmosphere of openness? Is it “safe” in your home for your children to say what they really think and feel? For this to be true, you must model it for them. If you are not being open and real with the uncomfortable and “ugly” truths, they won’t either. Remember, your actions speak louder than all your words. (1 John 3:18) Ask your children how free or comfortable they feel to say what they really think and feel at home.

Do your children feel freedom to challenge you when they see you sin? See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:12-13 Are you hiding what goes on in your house? How much do you open up your home, inviting other Christians in to see, influence, and disciple your family? (Ask your children how much they feel you welcome or invite discipling and input.) Are you humble in taking their input? Do you even ask them what they see? Do you encourage them, as siblings, to help and challenge each other, or do they expect and wait for you as the parent to do it all? These are questions we must ask if we are going to build spiritual homes and raise godly children.

Do your children feel that Scripture is central to your family life? These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Are you obeying God’s commands? When should you begin to “impress them” daily on your children? Do you believe that teaching and training your children are important and effective even before they are “old enough to understand?” Do you believe that it is truly your responsibility as a parent to teach and train your children to love God, or do you wait for the Children’s Ministry, Teen Ministry or others to do the work for you? What are you doing NOW to impress God’s Word on the hearts of your children? Our children are major spiritual contributors to our families. We, as the parents, must learn to value what they have to contribute.

Family First: A Fourfold Purpose

We put our family first every day by plan or accident. The Proverbs say that the way we train our children is the way they will grow up. (Proverbs 22:6) This is something we do by example and by our daily choices. We train our children by our plans or our neglect, and they follow our example. Our families are first because they have the first and closest look at our lives. The question is not whether our families are first, but what quality of time and attention we are giving to them. Your priorities are reflected in your planning and thinking. Do you plan for your family? There is a fourfold purpose to family life: Teaching each other about life, building relationships to the community, breaking down barriers between people, and bringing people into the family.

Teaching Truth About Life In Deuteronomy 6:1-9, parents, not the community, are charged with impressing their children with the teaching about God and the Law. Character is the foundation of hope. (Romans 5:1-5) It begins with the fear of the Lord but fools despise it. (Proverbs 1:7) You teach character by modeling it, and your daily practice creates a family culture. When your custom is to eat together, pray together, work through problems together or to live separate lives under one roof, you are building a foundation that your children will carry forward. You will build a culture in your family, but the question is whether or not it is one that is godly.

Building Bridges to Others Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) to exemplify a man who reached out and loved his neighbor as himself. We should imitate the Samaritan’s heart towards others. As an inte gral part of God’s purpose for building his Kingdom, our families must be involved in building relationships in our communities. (Romans 16:3-4). Is your family isolated? Do others know you? Who is your family reaching out to? Are you teaching others how to build family through your family’s example.

Breaking Down Barriers Bitterness kills our hearts. (Matthew 18:23-35) It is old hurt and anger that de- files anyone it touches. (Hebrews 12:15) Bitterness cannot exist where grace and forgiveness are practiced. Margaret Laurence once said that the magic word is not “please” but rather “sorry.” Forgiveness must be taught in our homes. If it is not practiced at home, the family will be ripped apart. Communities then suffer.

Bringing People Home Everyone needs to belong. God sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6), and his desire is to give everyone a home. Our families should be attractive to all because they are a haven from the world and they are safe. Jesus said our fellowship would be recognized because of our love for one another (John 13:34-5) as should our families. John Donne said that “No man is an island, entire of itself.” In our hurried life style and compartmental living we substitute platitudes for training, gifts for affection, and email and text messaging for personal interaction. We have isolated ourselves. Yet, we can change. To be successful, we must decide to be godly, then we must open our hearts and our lives to others. We cannot do this alone, but with God we cannot fail.