Gottes Kinder (deutsch)

PARALLELS BETWEEN DISCIPLING YOUR CHILDREN AND GOD’S

1 Thessalonians 2:6-12 Discipleship

INTRODUCTION:

1. I feel like I have learned much about discipling since I wrote the book on it – in sort of an interesting and unexpected way.
   
2. Title.
   
3. Theresa and I went through a period when we second-guessed ourselves about how much we really knew about parenting. (Background of how old the kids were when we moved to Boston and first received discipling ourselves – how they are doing now and the keys behind that.)
   
4. But a year or so ago, I found myself feeling pretty confident about what I did know about parenting, and when I examined that confidence, it traced back to the confidence that I have about discipling principles generally and the realization that discipling God’s children and one’s own follow a parallel path.
   
5. Theresa made a great observation along these lines about those early disciples who practiced discipling long before they had children, but who applied these principles to their parenting. They started off knowing some good basics because of this, but learned where they were not on target also, made the changes in their parenting, but also made adjustments in discipling others as well.
   
6. We have worked with a number of situations where the kids are reaching preteen and teen years, and are not doing well. (You really don’t know how good a job of parenting you’ve done until they are in and through their teens.)
   
7. We have come to the conclusion that most parents follow some discipling principles better with their kids than they do God’s, but that the reverse is also true – they follow some principles better with other disciples than with their kids.
   
8. With all that in mind, I want to give you several key principles regarding the parallels between discipling your own children and God’s.

BODY:

1. The Building of a Family Feeling is Paramount
   1. Nothing could be better than having deep love, mutual respect and consistent gratitude predominate the home atmosphere between Mom, Dad and the kids.
      
      • Would not everyone agree with that?
        
      • But we could find other ways to describe the family – a team, a childcare unit, a guided study hall, and a number of other things.
        
   2. Could we not also say that nothing could be better than having that family feeling predominate in God’s family?
      
      1. We are a kingdom, an army, a body, a farm, a vineyard, even a business.
      2. But the overall definition of relationships should be that of an ideal family, and if it is not, two tragedies occur:
         
         • People fall away.
           
         • People are not fired up about getting their friends and physical family involved.
           
      3. Mark it down: the sense of being loved, appreciated, accepted and esteemed is the highest drawing card and holding card for the church!
         
         • The greatest commands in the Word have to do with love.
           
         • Love is greater than faith and greater than hope, and without it, nothing else will really matter (1 Corinthians 13).
   3. Who is responsible to build that family feeling?
      1. The McKean’s request of us recently and what we have done and have planned to do.
      2. But, as important to building family is developing special memories through special events, it is always the day-to-day relationships which spell success or failure.
      3. That means that leaders must be the core builders of family – Read 1 Thessalonians 2:6-12.
      4. Knowing ministry means much, much more than knowing ministry mechanics! (my experience in San Diego of adding the heart to the mechanics already in place) Getting lots of baptisms will mean little if we do not keep those in the church who are baptized.
2. Treat People Appropriately As They Age
   1. Physical kids do not respond well to being treated like a five year old when they are fifteen! (In fact they rebel!)
      1. As they age, they must have increasing freedom with the additional choices that go with it.
      2. My three realizations that I think are absolutely huge:
         • Discipling the heart, not the behavior concept. (Comment to the Louies)
         • You cannot disciple the heart effectively without knowing what is in it.
         • Therefore, setting up and maintaining an atmosphere where the heart is free to be honest and open is the most important thing you can do as Christian parents. (How we handle our own emotions is huge! We get “hooked,” because of both our fears and our pride—2 Timothy 2:23-26)
      3. Raising children is the process whereby you gradually replace your parent’s hat with a friend’s hat.
         • Me and Dad; me and my kids.
         • Some leaders in the kingdom have trouble with this one and more will have.
         • But Genesis 2:24!
   2. Spiritual kids do not respond well to being treated like they are new campus converts when they are married leaders of their families.
      1. Sometimes we hit the walls of ministry growth at certain sizes and think the wall is directly related to the size of the ministry.
      2. I think it may be much more related to age than to size (because the two track together, don’t they?).
      3. We figure out, hopefully, with individual discipling that we cannot simply lecture them and give them directives.
      4. However, with groups that we lead, we may go in an opposite direction.
      5. Do we want to know what is in their hearts and how they are really feeling about the things we are asking them to do?
      6. Adults are tempted to rebel when they face two challenges:
         1. They are treated like new converts and made to feel like their age in the kingdom is a minus instead of a plus. (And our comments can give this one away)
         2. They feel that they are not being treated fairly.
            • It is easy to say that life is not fair (and in the world, that is definitely true).
            • However, the fairness doctrine in the church is the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31).
            • We as leaders can decide things and do things which have some pretty big consequences in their lives without really considering how to work with them in those decisions – but we would be very unhappy if we were treated the same way. (Read it again: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”)
3. Recognize the Huge Need for Positive Reinforcement
   1. With our kids, hopefully we have learned the power of building them up incredibly.
      1. They are growing up in a negative world and they take an emotional beating as a result.
      2. Certainly we have to discipline the negatives in them, but we cannot focus on those negatives.
      3. Generally, we know what it means to love our kids (the +’s and –‘s illustration – do you love them, or just the +’s about them?).
   2. With God’s kids, some of us don’t do too well at following this parallel principle.
      1. Can develop that critical mode of evaluating people all of the time, and having them feel that they never quite measure up, that they never really please you (or God).
      2. That, of course, is conditional love and is very damaging.
      3. How do we view people?
         • Out of the kingdom, they are a mess – as Titus 3:3 says, “hating and being hated.”
         • But in the kingdom, it must be far different (Romans 15:14 – read it).
         • Love among disciples, according to Paul, means that we “always trust” (1 Corinthians 13:7).
         • The “us and them” mentality between staff and non-staff is caused by a number of things, but our own lack of trust (which may even be subtle) are high up on the list! (Children, physical and spiritual, usually rise or sink to our level of expectations for them.)
      4. With our own kids, we can say they are awesome and leave it at that, even knowing their downsides, but with God’s kids, we say (or think) they are awesome, but... (We are never quite satisfied and thus they can never feel that they measure up.)
4. Lead By Accepting and Honoring Individual Differences
   1. Our own kids are going to be different from one another.
      1. They will vary in temperaments, personalities, abilities, interests, etc. etc.
      2. Yet, we cannot measure them against ourselves or their siblings.
      3. They are unique and of great value, regardless of the variations mentioned above.
      4. Some parents have a hard time accepting a given child for who he or she is, which makes them feel inferior, unloved and rejected.
   2. How about the differences among God’s children?
      1. Of course, a reasonable degree of “sameness” must be expected to preserve order (all kids in a family must come to the dinner table, and all of God’s kids must come to church).
      2. But do we find ourselves holding up one type of disciple and being frustrated with another? (rather than helping all of them reach the potential that God has given them)
      3. Paul said that the weaker parts of the body are indispensable (1 Corinthians 12:22) – is that really the way you feel about them?
      4. I think that figuring out where the sameness and the uniqueness fall is a great challenge of leadership, but we must figure it out if we want people to have that family feel.

CONCLUSION:

1. Building family means lots of things, but this one thing I know – the daily part of their lives as disciples is the essence of what it means to them.
2. If they feel family, they will stick and they will attract others, for they will be truly joyful that their names are written in heaven as a part of God’s family.
3. God’s children want to know that they are loved as persons, not simply for their performance.
4. Do we love people? Do we love God’s children like we love our own, and in both cases, are we following his principles in training them?
5. Those issues, brothers and sisters, are the essence of what it means to build family!
6. Leave with this thought: The Golden Rule of ministry is to treat God’s kids just like you want your own to be treated!